I’ve experienced those gut-twisting feelings, the ones the leave you with a constant sense of impending doom in the pit of your stomach causing you to question everything, including yourself. I mean, there is a lot at stake when you put your heart on the line and you can end up wasting months, or years, of your life on a man who never intended to keep you around for the long haul.
With regards to knowing if he’s really serious about having a relationship with you, what can we do to spare ourselves the time, energy, and heartbreak that goes into determining how a man feels?
I guess that’s why I told my wife I loved her on our second date. But it wasn’t that she wasn’t giving me love, it just seemed to come at different times. I don’t think I noticed this consciously for a while. And after each time, there would be this look she would give me. It wasn’t something I could force, just something that would come about as a result of my giving. And how much I’m sure those messages are bouncing around in other people’s heads as well. Living Disney movies in our minds, and tragedies in our lives.
I had tried really hard up to that point to hold it back, honestly. I think part of me recognized that she was much smarter and more modest than me. This fire was burning in me, a fire that burned just like that second date: I was in love. Marriage, quicker than I was ready for, did this thing: it started sucking away that emotion. In other words, it was in the practicality that I found the love I was looking for. That fire I felt, it was simply that: emotional fire. I think that might be a big part of the reason the divorce rate is so high in this country. It’s time that we changed the conversation about love. Because until we do, adultery will continue to be common.
Keeping the future in mind helps bring things into perspective.
Waiting a bit longer to say "I love you" will not harm your relationship, but forcing it too early might.
There was no way I could keep that dating fire burning as practicality invaded our lives. Something I haven’t wanted to admit for a long time, but is undeniable.
And even worse, it seemed that the harder I tried to be sentimental and lovey-dovey, the less it was reciprocated. Or, once we had a daughter, when I shared the responsibility of watching over her. Because as our marriage progressed, I found myself offering to help out around the house more and more. It took me longer than I care to admit to understand what was happening. Through giving, through doing things for my wife, the emotion that I had been so desperately seeking naturally came about. An emotion that, once had, somehow magically stays within a marriage forever. And I’m saddened to think about how much those messages bounced around in my head for so long.
The one question you will never hear a guy ask when he starts dating a girl is: “Will she commit to me? Questions and uncertainties regarding commitment seem to be reserved for the ladies. And the aftermath of these situations is never pretty.
Women of all ages and across all cultures are united in their quest to determine the following: Does he like me? Aside from knowing if he’s serious about you, it’s also helpful to have a clear idea of what makes a man commit and how to make him commit to a relationship with you, which you can learn about here: MORE: How Do I Get Him To Commit To Me?
It also has to do with personality; someone who is more outgoing and effusive is more likely to say it than someone who is reserved. The first time my husband said, "I love you" was during his proposal—he didn't believe it was right to tell a girl he loved her without making a promise of marriage.
At that point we were both fairly bursting with the desire to say it to each other.
All of this is to say that there are many possible explanations for why your boyfriend has not yet said that he loves you.