and every moment you’re unhappy you push the guy further and further away.
When you let go of the idea that you need things to work out a certain way, then you cut off that poisonous negative cycle.
or else I won’t be happy,” then you set yourself up for tremendous unhappiness.
He said he worships the ground I walk on and should never change because I was perfect in the relationship and will go far in life whereas he feels like he has nothing to offer since he is grieving and stuck in a job he doesn’t like. I was dating a woman who really was a great girlfriend, but I was totally not in the right place to be in a relationship. when men don’t feel like they’re “winning” at life or that life is good, they want to shrink away and withdraw from the world.
He suggested we stay friends but I told him that would be too hard on me and he said I can contact him anytime. Men want to mentally work out whatever is bothering them, solve it, and then they’ll re-emerge, ready to conquer the world.
At the heart of it, it’s the feeling of fear of loss.
When you believe that you could lose something, you’ll instinctively shrink inside and it will take the wind out of your sails.
In another sense, you already have a relationship with him… So, to answer your questions about what to do and if you can get him back… It is counter-intuitive, but when women fixate on a guy (and worse, a specific outcome with a guy), they are destroying their mood and ability to be attractive.
When you take on the perspective of, “I need this guy to be this specific way with me…
Moreover, it’s in your best interest to live your life in a way that brings you happiness in your moment-to-moment existence without effort…
and abandon any perspective or pursuit that has you feeling crappy in your moment-to-moment experience in service of some imagined better future.
It means that you are not imprisoned in a reality where you can’t be happy unless you get a very, specific outcome with one particular person.
MORE: Everything You Need to Know to Get Your Ex Back When you fixate on a specific outcome with a specific person, you ruin your attractive vibe since you can’t be happy unless you have the outcome you want…
So what does this have to do with recognizing that you’re single (and why should this be something to be very happy about)?