While I was doing research for , the biggest complaint I heard from Christian women was that Christian men weren't assertive enough.
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Invariably if the person I’m speaking to has been single at any point in the last decade, then yes, they know exactly what I mean, because if there’s one scenario that’s become endemic amongst myself and my peers, it’s our inability to define a relationship after the first five or six dates. Is it too soon to refer to someone as your boyfriend? If you’ve been on 12 dates with someone, you really don’t still want to be seeing other people do you?
I don’t want to come across as some relationship-obsessed harpy and I’m sure once we’ve been seeing each other for long enough he’ll come round – we’re in a relationship in all but name anyway.” I slightly want to bang my head against the keyboard now, not least because I’ve said the same thing more than once in the past.
I’m not judging – I can see how easy it is to get into that situation.
That's because asking someone out involves potential pain. Worst of all, you engage in the most banal and abysmal of non-dates-going to coffee.
If the object of your affection becomes aware of your intentions, he or she might not reciprocate, and that's going to hurt. Instead of asking someone out on a date and being bold in their intentions, they turn to the soggy milquetoast alternative to dating: "hanging out."Here's how it works: you like someone but you're afraid to let him or her know. It has the trappings of a date—a cozy ambiance, comforting beverages, atmospheric music—while allowing everyone involved to disavow the actual occurrence of a date.
Being honest and bold about your feelings doesn't come off as cheesy if you have self-confidence. It shows that getting rejected won't devastate you because you know and like who you are.
The alternative to this is "hanging out" with someone and hoping to catch a lucky break.
I don't care if you're the most self-confident, well-adjusted person around; rejection hurts. So instead of asking the person on a date, you go on approximations of dates that allow for plausible deniability of all romantic intentions. Fear of rejection alone has resulted in the proliferation of Starbucks like a French-roasted virus.